


Confession

by TInyT0ny



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Confession, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Sick Tony, a bit angst, and a bit sadness, mention of rape, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 01:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11138568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TInyT0ny/pseuds/TInyT0ny
Summary: Tony confesses to Brad about the tapes.I know that a lot of people love Clony. This is not about Clony, but maybe you can still give it a chance. :)





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> I know that there are very few people who ship Tony and Brad, but i like them together, i like them a lot. It was so nice to see someone who took care of Tony. I actually wish we would see more of them in Season 2. 
> 
> So this is not a Clony fic, but maybe you can still give it a try. 
> 
> I wrote it already in April, after i finished the first season. But never had the courage to post it. I am still not quite sure, if this was a good decision to publish it now. I have the habbit to read a lot of fanfictions and the more i read, the less good i find my own work ... but here we are, lets just do it and get over with it ;) 
> 
> English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes in my grammar, please let me know so that i can fix it, thank you.

Brad was standing in line, waiting for the coffee he ordered for his boyfriend and himself. He took a short glance towards the corner where his love was sitting, head resting on his arms on the table, asleep or not, he couldn't tell from the distance. But he looks even smaller than usual. Something is slowly eating away his love and it breaks his heart to just watch and not being able to help him, as long as he keeps this secret from him. 

At first he didn't even notice that something was wrong, Tony was always good with hiding his feelings. But lately it's more and more obvious that he is not okay. Nightmares at night, spacing out, eating less and less, his big brown eyes full of sadness and red because of crying. Of course Tony would not admit that, but a blind man could see that he was hurting. A lot. Brad sighed while turning his head to face the bar again, where his gaze fell on the two mugs with steaming coffee in it. Brad grabs them and orders something small to eat for Tony before making his way back to his boyfriend. 

"Hey", Brad put down the blue mugs in front of Tony while sitting down on the chair opposite their table. Big brown eyes met his, as his love lifted his head. He looked awful, pale like a ghost, a slight sheet of sweat covering his beautiful face, some hairstrains sticking to his forehead. Did he get a fever? Brad frowned, stretching his arm out to touch Tony's cheek with the back of his fingers. Very warm. He continued to stroke it a couple of times while looking at him. "You wanna go home?" Tony slowly shook his head. Brad put down his arm again, resting his hand on top of Tony's, while never losing eyecontact with him. 

How he wished he would just talk. He hated to be in the dark. At first he thought it was because of another guy, but Tony promised him that this was not the case. And Brad trusted him. He even threatened him once to leave him, if he doesn't finally speak up about the issues he has, but that didn't help either. His love stayed silent. Probably because Tony knew that it was an empty thread. Yes, Brad was known for doing some stupid things from time to time but no way would he be so stupid and kick such a wonderful and kind person like Tony out of his life. 

It was Tony who broke the eyecontact when the waitress came with his food. It looked great, but his love barely touched it. Brad let out a small sigh. When Tony got up to use the bathroom, swaying a bit before steading himself by grabbing the edge of the table, there was no way he would let him go alone. 

So he stood outside of the stall, looking in the mirror, fixing his hair when he heard Tony gag and then throwing up what little he ate. Brad turned around, facing the door and softly knocked. "Can i come in, please"? He got no answer, but he heard small sobbing from the other side, so he opened the door and slowly kneeled in front of his love who was sitting on the floor, looking miserable. 

"Tony ... " he whispered while his boyfriend's sobs got louder and louder. Brad put his arms around the small guy and pulled him carefully into a hug. He shouldn't be able to feel his bones, but he did. "Please tell me what's wrong," Brad whispered, feeling helpless while rocking his boyfriend's body in his arms. But Tony was only crying harder. 

He wasn't sure how long they stayed in that position but slowly Tony's sobs tied down and Brad released his arms around him. He cupped his boyfriend's face with his hands, which was wet from all the tears he had shed. He looked into teddybear eyes which never showed as much pain as they did in this moment. Brad's heart sank, it hurted him to see his boyfriend so broken. He moved closer and put his lips on Tony's, so carefully as if he was afraid his love would break into one million pieces if he applied just a little bit more pressure. The kiss tasted like salt and vomit, but he didn't care. 

He remembered the first time he was allowed to touch those lips. It took him off guard, he always thought he would be the person who will make the first step, but in the end it was Tony who kissed him, after a movie night out. It was raining hard and they laughed while running to Tony's mustang, trying to avoid as much raindrops as possible. Brad was the first to arrive and when he turned around to look where his boyfriend was, his gaze met those warm beautiful eyes. Tony stood on tiptoe to reach him, it was the cutest thing. Brad couldn't believe how soft his lips were, he wanted the moment to last forever. 

\---------------

Brad was sitting behind the steering wheel of Tony's red mustang. His boyfriend loved that car, probably more than he loved him. But that was okay for Brad, if there was one thing that he loved more, he was glad that it was a car and not another guy. He turned his head to look at his love, who was sitting in the passenger seat, wearing Brad's hoodie, which was a bit too big for him, bundled up in a grey blanket Tony always kept in the trunk of his car. 

They broke their kiss earlier in the bathroom when someone knocked on the door. Seconds later one of the waiters was standing in the doorframe. Apparently there was a guy who told him that someone had fallen ill and he just wanted to check if they needed any help. Brad thought that was really kind, but he just wanted to be alone with Tony, so they left Monet's shortly after. Tony was exhausted after his breakdown and was not feeling well, so Brad carried him out bridal style, not caring about the looks some of the people in the cafe gave them. 

"Can you please stop?" Tony's quiet voice snapped Brad out of his thoughts and he immediately pulled the car over to the side of the road, already knowing what will come next. It was not the first time this afternoon. He couldn't believe that Tony still had something left in his stomach that he could throw up. At that point he was almost sure that all that came up was bile and nothing more. 

After Tony closed the door again, exhaustion written all over his face, Brad handed him a bottle of water, so he could get rid off the taste of vomit in his mouth. His original plan was to drive Tony home, so that he could get some much needed rest, but that doesn't seem like a good plan anymore. "I think it's probably best if i take you to the next hospital." With that he turned to the opposite direction of the town and was relieved when he didn't hear a complain from the passenger side.

\-------------------

Brad was looking out the window of the building, while talking on the phone with Tony's dad. He kept his voice low, didn't want to wake up his boyfriend. It was a sunny and nice day. They should be out there right now, having fun and soaking up the sun, not being in here, in such a cold and sterile room. Brad was so scared when Tony collapsed in the parking lot. Thankfully he was able to catch his love just in time, so that he didn't hit his head on the hard pavement. Lucky for them there was a nurse not far away, who ran over to help. The time until he was allowed to see his love again went by slower than a snail. 

Brad turned around after he finished the call, his gaze falling on Tony, who was sleeping in a hospital bed. His face clammy and pale, his hair messy and wet. There was an IV attached to his left arm and a blood pressure device on his right. He looked so fragile. Brad walked over to the bed and placed carefully a soft kiss on his boyfriend's forehead. At the end it was a severe stomach flu that knocked his love down. Plus all the stress and not eating right finally caught up on him. The doctors wanted to keep him overnight, just to be on the safe side. 

He caressed his boyfriend's cheek with the back of his fingers while thinking that he will find out what is wrong and he will help him, doesn't matter what it takes. Brad turned around, searching for some money to get coffee. He was about to leave the room, door handle already in hand, when he heard a small voice, barely above a whisper: "I helped killing a girl." 

Brad turned around, a surprised look on his face. His gaze met Tony's, face still pale, fresh tears escaping his eyes. Brad let go of the handle and walked back to the bed. All this time he wanted to know what was wrong with his love, but now he was confused. His Tony, a murderer? His boyfriend sat up a bit, which took him some effort.

"Her name was Hannah, she was a friend of mine. I liked her a lot, she and Clay were the only people in this school which i considered as friends." Brad remembered Tony introducing him to Clay once, it was pretty ackward if he was honest. But he never met Hannah. Brad sat down on the chair, taking Tony's hand in his, squeezing it a bit after noticing the slight tremble. 

"One day she came to my house, not knocking or anything, just putting down a box at the front door and leaving again. I saw her from my window, but i thought if it would have been important, she would have rang the doorbell. So i just let her go. Some time later, i got downstairs to get the box. I opened it and found those tapes with a letter attached to it. 'Listen to it and you will know what you have to do'. So i got back up to get my walkman and started to listen to the first tape on my bed. After i realised what she wanted to do, i tried to call her parents, but they didn't answer. I got into my car and sped towards her house. The ambulance and the cops were already there when i arrived. The front door was open, so i ran in, up the stairs and there she was, laying on the bathroom floor in a bodybag. She killed herself. I was too late ... " 

Tony lifted his head and looked into Brad's eyes, searching for some kind of reaction from him. "Tony ... " Brad couldn't find the right words. He pulled a tissue out of the box on the table and handed it to his boyfriend. "It wasn't your fault." Tony tried to dry his tears but his eyes seemed to be like two endless waterfalls. "Why didn't I open the door that day? I could have saved her ..." 

Tony's voice was shaky. Brad was stroking his cheek, brushing away some of the tears with his thumb. "How should you have known?" Tony let out a sob, one hand on Brad's arm. "I didn't wanted to be bothered by her that day. How could i have been so selfish?" Brad winced at the word 'Selfish'. If there is one thing Tony isn't, then it's being selfish. His love was such a kind person, always trying to be there for everyone, always trying to do the right thing. Brad thought that he had never met a person as selfless as Tony before in his life. 

"After i drove home again, i was completely distraught. I locked myself into my room and listened to all the tapes, trying to find mine, but i wasn't on there. Even though i didn't see that she needed help, that i was missing her signs, she didn't put me on there. I was relieved at first, but in the end it didn't made anything easier. Brad, Hannah was raped ... and she was not the only victim." Brad was swallowing hard. "Why did she never talk to me about it? She knew she could come to me, I would have helped her in a heartbeat. Even if the police wouldn't have done anything because he is a white guy with rich parents, my brothers would have taken care of it. Why didn't i notice that she was not okay, when she asked me for that taperecorder? Why?" 

Tony looked Brad straight in the eyes, as if he could find the answer somewhere in there. He sighed. "In the end, i was just like everybody else. She should have put me on the tapes too." He sounded tired and defeated. Brad stood up from the chair and sat down on the edge of the mattress, embracing his love into a tender hug. Tony burried his head into his shoulders, his shirt immediately getting wet from his tears, but he didn't care. He would let him cry on his shoulders for hours, if nessessary. It hurted Brad so much, seeing his boyfriend blaming himself for something he didn't have control over. 

"I failed to help her when she was still alive, so i didn't want to let her down again, didn't want to break the trust she had in me. I didn't want that she is looking down on me and thinking she trusted the wrong guy. So i kept her secret and made sure the tapes got passed on. But with each day it got harder and harder. Meeting all those people in school, knowing what they did. I couldn't wait until Clay had the tapes, because then i would finally have a friend who was in on the secret. That we could figure something out to get justice for Hannah and Jessica. But it all went wrong, he hated me, for keeping those horrible secrets, for not going to the police, for just watching and not doing anything. It hurted me so much, but i knew that he was just speaking the truth. I let him push me, shove me, hit me, everything that made him feel better, but also because i knew i deserved it, and so much more." 

Brad thought to himself if that was the time Tony's pain started to become visible. He pulled his boyfriend a bit closer, soothingly stroking his back.

"I started to follow him around, because he was the only guy out of them i really cared about. He is the only friend i have left. Yesterday he was standing on that cliff, threatening to jump off of it. And i thought to myself how could i have been so stupid to drive him up there, knowing that he will not be able to cope with what he will hear on the tape. You can't imagine how afraid i was, afraid to lose another friend, afraid to be responsible for another death." 

Brad was silently listening, his grip around Tony getting tighter with each sentence. He carefully stroked the back of his head with one hand while his boyfriend continue to mumble between sobs.

"I dont know what i should do. I thought i was doing the right thing ... I just wanted to help her ..."

Brad was fighting his own tears now, couldn't understand how his love kept so much hurt to himself. His heart was crushing thinking of his boyfriend, alone in his bedroom, listening to something he should have never been a part of. Brad didn't wanted to judge Hannah, after all he has never met her and based on what Tony told him, she had some hard stuff to endure, but still, he couldn't help but feeling angry towards her. How could she call him a friend and put such a heavy burden on his small shoulders at the same time? She probably didn't realize how much damage this will do to him. Wasn't it already enough that he lost a friend and seeing her dead body? That and the fact that he blames himself for her death will probably mess him up for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve that sh*t ... 

"Tony ... I am so sorry ..." Tony's body was pressed against his, shaking and still hot from fever. "I love you ... you are not alone .... i promise you, whatever will happen, i am by your side ..." Brad whispers while holding him tight, rocking him, hushing him until he felt Tony getting weak in his arms. The poor boy completely cried himself into exhaustion. Brad carefully placed Tony's body back onto the bed, making sure to not rip out his IV cannula in the process. His love slowly turned on his side. Brad put the blankets back up, and placing a kiss on his forehead.

He was about to go when he felt Tonys weak grip holding onto his jacket. Brad faced his boyfriend, big brown eyes meeting his. He remembered the day he saw this beautiful eyes for the first time as if it was yesterday. 

He was his clumpsy self while running through the halls of his college, already late for class. Turning the corner too fast he ran hard into someone, both of them landing on the ground. Brad was so mad, wanted to yell, but when he looked up he almost drowned in those beautiful, kind eyes that looked back at him. His world stood still. The boy muttered a "Sorry", a worried look on his face. But Brad's anger disappeared in an instant and was replaced with a feeling he couldn't quite explain. 

He stood up, holding his hand out and pulled Tony into a standing position, immediately thinking how adorably tiny he was. Brad was so mesmerized by him, that he skipped class and invited Tony for coffee, where he learned that Tony was not a Freshman, like he thought, but was visiting his older brother, who is studying here. Brad made sure to get Tony's phone number before he had to go to his next class, which was unfortunately too important to skip it too. He would have loved to spend the whole day with Tony. But since that fateful day, there never went one by where they didn't met or at least talked on the phone. And soon they were in a relationship and Brad couldn't imagine anymore how he ever lived without him. 

"I love you." Brad's lips turned into a smile. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Tony's lips. "I love you, too. Now rest a bit, i am right back." Tony nodded almost unnoticable, eyelids starting to get heavy. Brad got an extra blanket from the closet and put it over his boyfriend's shivering body. He could hear his love whisper "Thank you" and he smiled back in return. Tony's eyes slowly closed and Brad hoped that he will have a peaceful sleep with no nightmares.

As soon as his boyfriend gets released tomorrow he will bring him to his dorm room. He already asked Tony's dad for permission, telling him that he currently doesn't have a roommate and that Tony could use the second room for some days. His dad agreed, not knowing that Brad told him a lie. Yes, there was an empty second room connected with his bathroom, but Brad didn't have the intention to use it. Tony will, of course, stay in his bed. 

Brad knew that it will take a long time, until his love can come to terms with his loss and guilt. Brad hopes that one day he will be able to see this beautiful smile again, that smile that lit up his whole world and made him fall so hard for Tony. But until then he just wants to be here for him, after all this time caring only for others, it was finally time that someone took care of him. 

THE END


End file.
